Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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