I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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