My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just high enough for therapy.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
