oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
