My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Shitshow foam night was such a success
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
