you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
