Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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