my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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