i think i have herpe
just one?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
