Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
