Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
