I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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