why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
