last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
