hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Randomize
