i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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