My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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