So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
