I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
only if we run a train.
done.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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