Me too!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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