remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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