I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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