FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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