i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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