i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
