I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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