Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
