just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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