I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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