Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
