i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
