I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
