I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
