She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
