I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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