drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
