At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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