I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You ruined the universe
Randomize
