all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
