how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
