So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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