$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize