guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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