There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
