I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
