Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
