I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
