Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize