god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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