you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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