Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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