you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
