porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
