How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
