Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
