somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
