ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
