i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
