Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize