If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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