these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
