then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
