oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
