We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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