She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
