and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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