Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
