Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
