I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
