with your own penis?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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