She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
