two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize