By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I need a hoe opinion
go on
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
