I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
