she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
