Duck Duck Cougar?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
