I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
