I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
