dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
