Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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