i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I need moral support for this bender
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
