He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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