I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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