She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
