You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize