Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
