mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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