So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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