a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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