we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Still dying that you shit outside
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
