bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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