when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Reggie can tackle my bush.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
