so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
