Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
