All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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